There comes a time in any journalist’s career where a story presents itself that, while not easily swallowed, must be reported. It is the job of a newspaper to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, no matter how uncomfortable that truth may be. The following article fits this criteria and simply must be told. If there’s one thing that I’ve proved over my four years at Andrews, it is my unconditional, unadulterated, undying love for this university. For this reason, I bring you this news.

    The 2017 Andrews University Student Association election was rigged. Since issue 17 of The Student Movement was published, our team has been working tirelessly to uncover the shrouded and shameful facts that surround the election of the new officers. What we’ve found will shock you.

    We asked Ashley Neu why each of the new officers had past friendships with her. Her response: “No comment.”

    As is the case with most political scandals, we found promising evidence when we followed the money. Subpoenas were issued to release records of alumni donations over the last year. Findings concluded in massively uneven contribution towards the students’ campaigns that ended up winning the spots. Jessica Yoong, incoming president, held one of the most extravagant campaigns our campus has ever seen. The marketing was so strong that any other candidate was so drowned out that it seemed they weren’t even running. Could such a campaign be pulled off on a college student budget?

    We asked Ashley Neu if she was aware of disproportional alumni donations. Her response: “No comment.”

    A source connected to Zaoksky Adventist Seminary and Institute in Russia approached the SM with info that this conspiracy may go deeper than we might have expected. OrgSync, the internet hub of AU, has been susceptible to hacking since its launch. OrgSync is also the host for all voting that takes place in the election. Zaoksky has for years wanted more say in the AU campus, with the size of our seminary. Through inside sources, and through hacking OrgSync, they’ve finally found their way in. The situation grew stranger last week when the Gazebo announced a new special offering: borscht.

               We asked Ashley Neu if Russians had hacked this year’s election. Her response: “Nyet.”


*An article from the April Fool's Issue, Don't take anything in this issue too seriously.


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