The Big Dog on Campus

The Big Dog on Campus

Interviewee: Ares
Breed: Siberian Husky
Human: Jen Shrestha, Director of Imaging Services and Andrews
Interviewed by Scott Moncrieff


Has anyone ever told you you’re a very handsome dog?
I get that all the time. Siberian Huskies are more or less like Idris Elba, Tom Brady or Diego Boneta wrapped in a beautiful coat.

The crème de la dog?

What do you like to do for fun?
Cause havoc—but mostly I do that at home. I realize that at Imaging Services I’m in a professional environment and I try to act accordingly.

What kind of trouble do you get into at home?
Oh, nothing too bad. I dig a lot of holes, dig under the fence, move my doggie bowl around. If I’m feeling really ornery I might bust the screen door, but honestly, Jen is so nice to me I’m generally quite well behaved.

I heard you were a rescue dog.
It’s true. I was chained to a tree for a long time. I had a lot of parasites and some emotional disturbances when Jen got me, about four years ago.

Has anything positive come out of that?
Well, I really appreciate every day now. I don’t take anything for granted. I also serve as a therapy dog for a lot of the digital imaging students.

You mean they tell you about their problems and you give them advice?
No, most of them don’t even know I talk. I don’t really want them to be asking me for help on assignments and stuff. I just let them run their hands along my awesome coat and I act excited to see them. It perks them right up.

Do you ever chase the squirrels on campus?
I’m not really a hunter, although I don’t mind scaring the stripes off a raccoon, or chasing an occasional possum out of the backyard.

Do you have any special dog friends?
Well, there’s Mya, a cute little Chihuahua mix, and Lucy, a Coonhound. Their humans are Roy and Connie Gane. And I’ll go over and see Charlotte, Kari Friestad’s Cocker Spaniel. Also, there’s Yoshi, my human’s sister’s Chocolate Lab. At home, I like having my human to myself, but I like to go out and hang with the other dogs.

What do you talk about with them?
Well, Mya and I will get into these long discussions about Deuteronomy and the symbolism of the Temple. Her humans are really into that kind of stuff and she picks it up.

Do you read?
Honestly, I don’t like humans to know this, so don’t tell anyone, but yes. It’s very handy, opens a lot of doors. For instance, one time over at the Ganes’ I found a copy of Ritual Dynamic Structure lying on the floor and I read the first 25 pages or so. I blew Mya away during our next gab session.

Wow. What’s your take on the current political situation?
The Republicans should keep Obamacare, maybe tweak it a little to include canine benefits. The Democrats should approve Neil Gorsuch and stop making such a fuss. As far as the wall goes, dogs will dig under it. And the Russia stuff is really more of a bloodhound’s kind of work.

Ares, thanks so much for taking time to talk with me.
Don’t mention it. I’d put out my hand for a shake, but I’m shedding these days and some humans are a little angsty about hygiene.


*An article from the April Fool's Issue. Don't take anything in this issue too seriously.


Feeling Trapped

Ranger Doesn’t Fool Anyone

Ranger Doesn’t Fool Anyone