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Andrews to “Merge,” “Purge” and “Splurge” Academic Departments

    In its new strategic plan unveiled on April 1, Andrews University is reviewing academic departments with an eye toward three potential outcomes: Merge, Purge and Splurge. The departments’ respective classification in one of the three categories will necessitate one of three results.

First, “Merge” departments are considered important to the university, but not financially optimized; thus, they will be joined with other departments. A recent example of this is how Andrews University merged the Department of Visual Art & Design with the Department of Communication to form the Department of Visual Art, Communication & Design. Second, “Purge” departments will be eliminated. Last, since “Splurge” departments are viewed as areas for potential growth, they will receive a healthy economic stimulus package.

    While administration has failed to report any departments it has decided to purge or splurge on, it has announced a few proposals to merge departments. Proposals were received accepted from Andrews University students, faculty and staff, and are currently being reviewed by a special ad hoc committee designated to choose the best of the proposals for the 2017-2018 school year.

The most radical of proposals suggests combining all undergraduate academic departments except for the Department of Religious & Biblical Languages to form the College of Secular Studies. Proponents of this proposal believe that these changes would provide better opportunities for interdisciplinary and collaborative learning.

Tyler Milam (junior, architecture, history), disagreed.

“No one will hire you with a degree from the College of Secular Studies outside of the Seventh-day Adventist world, which most of us will not be working in,” Milam said. “Plus, since the degree isn’t from the Department of Religious & Biblical Languages, no one in the Seventh-day Adventist world would want to hire you either, so you’d be spending the price of a luxury RV for an education that makes you unemployable.”

A conglomeration of students from the Seventh-day Adventist Theological Seminary have proposed a merge of the Department of Nursing and the Department of Music. They believe that this merge would help expedite the process of finding spouses.

“I think that the Seminary’s proposal to merge those departments is a very good decision,” Nikka Janai (freshman, photography, psychology, pre-medicine) said. “It’s hard to do the search for spouses on your own out of school because we are so busy with school; if they could all be brought together, it'd be great.”

To demonstrate “the timeless beauty of languages,” some have proposed combining all the language departments—the Department of English, the Department of International Languages and Global Studies, the Department of Religion and Biblical Languages, and the Department of Speech-Language Pathology and Audiology—and housing them in the proposed Andrews University clock tower (see Konner Dent’s “#ItIsTimeAU for a Timely Timepiece” in News).

Miracle Richardson, (sophomore, biology, pre-medicine) submitted a proposal to merge two majors—photography and medical laboratory sciences—into one.

“The beauty of bacteria should be captured more often,” Richardson said, “and photography majors could benefit from understanding consequences of the food they are eating.”

Janai said, “I think that the Department of Agriculture should merge with Andrews University Dining Services, so they could have a cow behind a special glass panel in the cafeteria. Then students could order the kind of milk they want, and it could be extracted, homogenized, or even turned into skim milk or chocolate milk right before their eyes. It would be so educational.”

If you have any additional suggestions for departments to Andrews University administration to “Merge,” “Purge,” or “Splurge,” contact administration at (269) 471-7771. Administration is also accepting proposals on Twitter, and requests that tweets with suggested changes include the hashtag #MergePurgeSplurge. The Student Movement will provide the Andrews University community with timely updates as this story develops.

 

*An article from the April Fool's Issue. Don't take anything in this issue too seriously.

 

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