Whisk Review: The Wonderland Theater Snack Bar
Though I have been to the movies quite a bit recently, I normally don’t purchase any snacks. My preferred method is sneaking in mini M&Ms – no crinkly packages, no crunchy sound effects, just a film canister of rainbow chocolaty goodness. If I’m going to purchase overpriced junk food, I may as well do it at the Gazebo and put it on my café account. However, recently I decided test out the snack bar while viewing a film (not The LEGO Batman Movie) with some friends who were visiting from Southern Adventist University. I’m not going to say which Oscar-nominated musical we were attending, primarily because I am scared I might call it the wrong name. It’s been done before.
On the menu: to my left, my theater-novice friend Maria and her boyfriend have gone with the traditional method: a quantity of popcorn and soda large enough to feed a small sovereign nation. I have stuck to my M&Ms. My right-hand man Pau has purchased a mysterious package of blue popcorn. Why is it blue? What flavor is blue? Who knows? The movie is starting!
The title song is over. Attractive people have stopped signing—for now. Time to break out the M&Ms! As always, they are delicious, but nothing to write home about. (Pro tip: If you ever go to a theater and require bite-sized candies, you get more for your money by using the quarter-twisty vending machine then you would from a package at the concession stand.) With a snack attack subdued, it’s time for more over-the-top musical numbers!
We’re now halfway through. Pau has offered me some of the mysterious blue popcorn. I am a bit concerned, as I have seen this man put away a silo of popcorn before. What’s holding him back? Is the blue poisonous? Ah, he smuggled in sandwiches. That makes sense. I’m still not sure what flavor blue is, even after eating half a package, but it’s pretty good, and certainly not poisonous. I’d give it 4/5 dancing Ryan Goslings.
Almost done with this film. Maria and her boyfriend are crying now, not sure if it’s from sadness or happiness. Time to steal some of this popcorn! Apparently, the popcorn prices at the Wonderland are extremely low, so maybe the upgraded blue version isn’t worth paying twice as much.
GREAT LAKES OF MICHIGAN, WHY IS THIS POPCORN SO SALTY?!? Did she dump the entire shaker on here?!?I I’m pretty sure we could use this stuff to de-ice the Andrews sidewalks. I mean, Maria isn’t the theater-attending type, surely she knew that the popcorn comes pre-salted, right? It’s like I just got drop-kicked in the mouth by Poseidon’s salty foot! I’m crying now, and I’m 80 percent sure its from a lack of any other water supply. Must steal soda before mouth implodes!
The soda at the Wonderland Theater in Niles is by far some of the best carbonated corn syrup ever to flow from a fountain. It is the glorious antidote that my sodium-coated taste buds have screamed for, and is completely worth the two dollars my compatriots paid for it. I don’t think they noticed, and hopefully they don’t want any more, as their vessel of orange Fanta has been completely reduced to ice.
With the film finally finished, I must say that the overall dining experience of the Wonderland depends on many different factors, such as which movie you see, what types of snacks you purchase, and how you season your popcorn. Overall, it’s a pretty average spread with lower-than-usual prices, so I give it a solid 2 whisks, and I am pretty sure that that grade does not go to Moonlight. 2 out of 5 whisks